Crazy girl

Apparently thats what my son and husband think I am. There is a country song that they both sing to me and they both think I am crazy because I always worry that my crankiness is pushing them away.

I don't sleep and when I try to I can't get comfortable. I only bring it up because when I was pregnant with booty I slept like a rock. I could sleep all day long. Not with duckie. Duckie keeps me up all night and most of the day. Luckily I get the great opportunity to take naps or sit at home and relax as I get to pick when I work everyday. Which also allows me to spend time with booty alone and focus solely on him. Thats important to me. When mushy and I started discussing having another baby no one told me how I would be so emotional for the loss of my "alone" time with my first born. I feel like I am somehow taking something away from him. I know that I am adding a friend, companion, and aggravation to his little life as well but I just worry that he will feel like hes being left out.

I have done sooo much to keep him included like taking him to my monthly appointment. He got to hear duckie's heartbeat on Thursday and his face lit up. He never complains about me hvaing a baby, he honestly brags more than anything. I guess that having him all alone and to myself for the most part really makes me feel like the new addition is selfish on my part... See I am crazy.

So I have been enjoying our daily sleep in sessions or more like his sleep in sessions, where i climb into his full bed and cuddle with his warm little body and smell his clean toddler hair and watch as he flutters in and out of dreams. I love it when he wakes up and smiles at me and then he gets to choose whether we stay in bed longer or if we get up and get breakfast. He gets to decide if we go to the pool for the day or stay home making arts and crafts and in all honesty, tearing the house apart for the 20th time during the week.

I realize that there are so many parents who don't have the opportunity to stay home and spend this time with their first born before they add to the chaos. I realize that these moments are so precious and that is what makes it hard to see them so close to changing. I know he and I will always have a special bond. He finishes my sentences and corrects me when I say something ungreatful, for instance when I said life sucks he looks at me and said "God didn't appreciate that." So true...

Any thoughts ladies?

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