That right there^^^ is the reaction I have been having to a lot of things. I keep going through momentary spazzes of anxiety and then calm.
Anxiety because I have an OBGYN appointment coming up and I know that this appointment means being referred to a specialist and new tests and new meds. Calm because I know that God has control now and i really just need to take a darn chillpill. Its scary though. And I can't lie, I am terrified.
Why? If God has it then why worry? Why stress? Why be fearful? Because thats what we simple humans do! we freak out! Duh! I know that whatever is supposed to happen will. That doesn't mean I am not scared. And you wanna know my biggest fear?? THAT GODS TIMING WONT MATCH MINE! Yea read that and re-read that. Let it simmer... I'm being selfish! I'm being impatient!
But its hard not to. I keep praying that I will be able to relax and be at peace with this whole thing. It is hard though. I'm not perfect. I just need to let it go. When God wants us to have a baby we will have a baby.
Voting
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
"I give you juicy keeses if you smile"
Those are the words my 3 year old said to me when I was upset. He looked at me dead serious and said "I give you juicy keeses if you smile" I couldn't help but laugh. He also told me that he doesn't like it when I am sassy... the kid knows how to make you laugh.
Voting
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Just a Rant
My husband is driving me nuts. Up the wall bonkers.
Why?? Because I find myself feeling like I parent him. I love my husband with all of my heart but I gotta tell you I hate being the one to tell him how to do things and when to do them. I hate when I feel like I have to make sure to give him step by step instructions. For instance, our comforter needed to be washed last night. I asked him to put it in the wash machine and gave him instructions on what setting and all of that. 20 minutes later we are looking for our T.V. remote and I ask him if he moved it when he took the blanket off... His response "uhhhhhh, was I supposed to? I didn't think to look for the remote" So guess what?! Our t.v. remote got washed... Why? Because I didn't tell him to make sure there was nothing on the blanket before hand... I mean really?! WHAT THE HECK?! I get it if a kid makes mistakes like this but not a 25 year old... Come on! And this isn't the first time this has been an issue. He's done similar things before.
I prayed for understanding and patience. I didn't yell or get angry because well there is no point it doesn't fix the issue, it doesn't repair the remote... But I think I have the right to be a little annoyed at the bigger picture which is his lack of attention... am I wrong??
Voting
Why?? Because I find myself feeling like I parent him. I love my husband with all of my heart but I gotta tell you I hate being the one to tell him how to do things and when to do them. I hate when I feel like I have to make sure to give him step by step instructions. For instance, our comforter needed to be washed last night. I asked him to put it in the wash machine and gave him instructions on what setting and all of that. 20 minutes later we are looking for our T.V. remote and I ask him if he moved it when he took the blanket off... His response "uhhhhhh, was I supposed to? I didn't think to look for the remote" So guess what?! Our t.v. remote got washed... Why? Because I didn't tell him to make sure there was nothing on the blanket before hand... I mean really?! WHAT THE HECK?! I get it if a kid makes mistakes like this but not a 25 year old... Come on! And this isn't the first time this has been an issue. He's done similar things before.
I prayed for understanding and patience. I didn't yell or get angry because well there is no point it doesn't fix the issue, it doesn't repair the remote... But I think I have the right to be a little annoyed at the bigger picture which is his lack of attention... am I wrong??
Voting
Monday, April 4, 2011
Oh the weather outside is weather....
Random I know. Its from Forgetting Sarah Marshall...
Lets do a little weekend recap...
Friday, I slept in. Well as much I can consider sleeping in since I DONT FREAKING Sleep. Nothing works. Ambien doesn't even work for me. I don't know what my issue is... But anyhoo... Me and the boogey did nothing. All day. And we loved it.
Saturday- Jonathan was at his grandparents and therefor Mushy and I were free to do as we pleased. It was heavenly. We woke up at 11. We stayed up until 3 the night before watching movies. We decided to get cleaned up and go out for the day. We went to Sammy T's. Its a vegetarian restaurant that we went to by mistake but they have regular food to. We ordered a Chicken quesadilla and it was honestly the best one I have ever had... MMMMMMM. We walked around all the antique stores that are in downtown F'burg. It was awesome. We came home and took a nap. For 3 hours.
So of course we were up for a late night... Instead of having dinner we opted for Krispy Kreme. Yea, yea, yea I know not a meal for dinner.But again we were just enjoying ourselves. Sunday was all the normal, sleep, God, and nothingness.
I can say this, I enjoy the weekends when we DON'T have plans more so than when we do.
i know this was all jumbled but I am kind of all over the place today. The weather was gorgeous but unfortunately the pollen and I weren't getting along. At all. C'est la vie.
Oh and the beautiful and sweet Callie at Through Clouded Glass gave me some inspirational thoughts this weekend about our current infertility struggle. Again totally random on my part but totally needed.
Voting
Lets do a little weekend recap...
Friday, I slept in. Well as much I can consider sleeping in since I DONT FREAKING Sleep. Nothing works. Ambien doesn't even work for me. I don't know what my issue is... But anyhoo... Me and the boogey did nothing. All day. And we loved it.
Saturday- Jonathan was at his grandparents and therefor Mushy and I were free to do as we pleased. It was heavenly. We woke up at 11. We stayed up until 3 the night before watching movies. We decided to get cleaned up and go out for the day. We went to Sammy T's. Its a vegetarian restaurant that we went to by mistake but they have regular food to. We ordered a Chicken quesadilla and it was honestly the best one I have ever had... MMMMMMM. We walked around all the antique stores that are in downtown F'burg. It was awesome. We came home and took a nap. For 3 hours.
So of course we were up for a late night... Instead of having dinner we opted for Krispy Kreme. Yea, yea, yea I know not a meal for dinner.But again we were just enjoying ourselves. Sunday was all the normal, sleep, God, and nothingness.
I can say this, I enjoy the weekends when we DON'T have plans more so than when we do.
i know this was all jumbled but I am kind of all over the place today. The weather was gorgeous but unfortunately the pollen and I weren't getting along. At all. C'est la vie.
Oh and the beautiful and sweet Callie at Through Clouded Glass gave me some inspirational thoughts this weekend about our current infertility struggle. Again totally random on my part but totally needed.
Voting
Friday, April 1, 2011
Infertility people please???
I don't know what is wrong with me. I am having one of those self pity days and I hate it. My monthly (or not so monthly since it hasn't been on time or even normal in a year now) visitor is MIA. I had my last one at the end of January. Its APRIL. Where the hell did it go?? I am an emotional mess. I've cried more than once this week.
I am still sick. I feel awful for my husband and son. I feel like I am neglecting them by being sick. I mean I still give booty all the attention he normally gets but I just hate being sick.
On top of that I hate that I am still not having normal periods. Sorry if thats tmi but its my blog and I'll say what I want.
I need help. My friends say take a preggo test. I say no because I hate seeing the little negative answer come up. So I refuse to do that. I am supposed to go meet with my OBGYN in a month. Its a follow up to my last appointment with him and I am sure he was hoping I'd be pregnant by now. I'm not So I guess we'll be going to a specialist next.
I know there are people going through worse struggles right now, but I can't help but be sad.
Voting
I am still sick. I feel awful for my husband and son. I feel like I am neglecting them by being sick. I mean I still give booty all the attention he normally gets but I just hate being sick.
On top of that I hate that I am still not having normal periods. Sorry if thats tmi but its my blog and I'll say what I want.
I need help. My friends say take a preggo test. I say no because I hate seeing the little negative answer come up. So I refuse to do that. I am supposed to go meet with my OBGYN in a month. Its a follow up to my last appointment with him and I am sure he was hoping I'd be pregnant by now. I'm not So I guess we'll be going to a specialist next.
I know there are people going through worse struggles right now, but I can't help but be sad.
Voting
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Random survey
I need to be more original but for today this will work
1. What is one thing that you truly do just for you?
I get my nails done.
2. What is the most expensive thing in your closet?
My wedding gown
3. Are you where you want to be in your life?
Yea for now.
4. If you could be on any reality TV show, which would it be?
Ummm i don't know. Honestly reality tv isn't really reality
5. What dream are you working on right now?
Babies. I want more
6. Ohhh Best book you have read lately?
Ugh unfortunately I haven't read in the past month but I love the Twilight series and I have reread it twice now
7. Most annoying habit of your mate? C’mon share…I’m sure they aren’t looking.
When he drives in the wrong lane. I am a FREAK when it comes to driving. You have to be in the lane you are going to be in when you turn. i don't care if its 5 miles away. I seriously have panic attacks over it and he loves to drive in the wrong lane to drive me nuts
8. What is your favorite thing to do on your birthday?
Sleep. I know boring... but sleep is seriously the love of my life
9. What is the best idea for a Wedding gift?
Gift Cards. That way you can get what you want
10. What is one thing you look back on in your life and think “I can’t believe I survived that"
Honestly a breakup of a 5 year relationship. It was a horrible break up. It crushed me and when I thought I was going to give up, I finally found who I was. Its made me the lady I am today.
Voting
1. What is one thing that you truly do just for you?
I get my nails done.
2. What is the most expensive thing in your closet?
My wedding gown
3. Are you where you want to be in your life?
Yea for now.
4. If you could be on any reality TV show, which would it be?
Ummm i don't know. Honestly reality tv isn't really reality
5. What dream are you working on right now?
Babies. I want more
6. Ohhh Best book you have read lately?
Ugh unfortunately I haven't read in the past month but I love the Twilight series and I have reread it twice now
7. Most annoying habit of your mate? C’mon share…I’m sure they aren’t looking.
When he drives in the wrong lane. I am a FREAK when it comes to driving. You have to be in the lane you are going to be in when you turn. i don't care if its 5 miles away. I seriously have panic attacks over it and he loves to drive in the wrong lane to drive me nuts
8. What is your favorite thing to do on your birthday?
Sleep. I know boring... but sleep is seriously the love of my life
9. What is the best idea for a Wedding gift?
Gift Cards. That way you can get what you want
10. What is one thing you look back on in your life and think “I can’t believe I survived that"
Honestly a breakup of a 5 year relationship. It was a horrible break up. It crushed me and when I thought I was going to give up, I finally found who I was. Its made me the lady I am today.
Voting
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
WILW
I need something to cheer me up today so I am going to think about things I love
I'm loving having pink hydrangeas in my house
I'm loving this JCrew dress
I'm loving these shoes from Payless
I'm loving this coach purse
I am really loving these Oakley Sunglasses
I'm loving my little man
And of course I'm loving my sweet hubby
Voting
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)